My life sucks, let me explain. First of all, I have this uproariously cheap boss. Like, would sell your fucking soul for a nickel cheap. I’m not exaggerating; this asshole has literally stuck his entire fucking hand down a drain to get to a dime. It’s unruly. Not to mention my shit of a schedule. Would you believe that I have literally worked through entire nights before? For minimum fucking wage. My only other coworker, yeah you read that correctly ONLY OTHER, treats me like shit every time I come in. Don’t get me wrong, I attempt enthusiasm. I come in ready to go every day with a damn smile on my face and I am treated like garbage. He scoffs at every attempt for friendliness I present and manages to get away with blatantly ignoring the customers. It gets worse too. This asshole is my fucking neighbor. After a lengthy stint at work I go home and just try to have a good time. But no, this dick is constantly yelling out his window at me. It’s nonsensical. My best friend is a moron. Like, forgets-where-he-lives, nail-a-board-to-his-own-hand stupid. We get along great usually. We enjoy the same sports and most of the time we can just dick around together, which is fun enough, but occasionally I desire just an ounce of intelligence. In contrast, my other friend is a fucking brainy know-it-all. She moved into town a little bit more recently than the rest of us and thinks she just knows everything about anything. Sure, she’s a pretty good scientist but she talks to me like I’m an idiot. Even when I go to the gym I get shown up. There’s this one beef head who picks on me all the time. Sure, he can lift a lot. Whopty-fucking-do. All the girls love him because he “lifeguards”. Like that’s even a real job. Honestly, the worst part of everything is just daily personal life. I have to get my pants specially tailored into a square and I’ve spent my entire life living in a pineapple.